Short Story: Tastes Like Chicken, by Damien Kane

Of course it’s cruel. I know it is, but don't care.

“Eating dogs is wrong, Brian,” Tanya shouted at me.

I smirked, holding the puppy over the hot fat.

“If it were a chicken you wouldn’t complain,” Gary said. “Ev’ryone loves chicken.”

“Yeah, but come on Gary: not dogs. They’re cute, shithead," she said.

The animal yelped. Maybe it smelled the plastic aroma beneath it. I’d be as scared if the roles were reversed. “I dunno much,” I told her, “but my brother – and he’s Oxford educated – said they tasted alright.”

“Jus’ coz he lives in Oxford, dun’t make ‘im Oxford educated,” Tanya replied. I wasn’t sure whether she was stressed or if she pitied the animal.

“You’re just bottlin’ it, woman," I told her. "Fuck, you’re all the same. Do this – do that – don’t do it, it’s fucking cruel. Is it that time of the month?”

“Screw you.”

“So what you think, mate? Dunk ‘im or what?” I asked Gary.

“It’s only an animal, Tan,” said Gary. “There’s plenty of ‘em around. I mean, like, jus’ go down the street you’ll find one. It’s a dog, yeah. A simple stupid dog.”

“Well,” she stormed, “that dog isn’t yours. Leave 'im alone or I’ll smack you stupid.”

I’d had enough, so threw the furry thing on the floor. It fell awkward, like, and I think maybe it broke a leg or foot. “Stupid cunt.”

“Well we can’t leave it like that,” said Gary.

“You’re sick – the both of you.”

Gary and I looked at each other. I said, “So what? It's only food."

“If you’re that hungry, go eat his cock.”

Gary looked at me and we burst into laughter. I settled and said to her: “We agreed to do it, Tan. If you don’t like it, then tough, but I’m goin’ to do it.”

“Yeah, me too,” said Gary.

I cocked a smile at him. She probably thought it was a cruel smile despite me trying to hide it from her.

The fact was, I wanted to do it. I wanted to dunk the dog’s head in the fat. See what happened. What sound it made. How it looked. What it smelled like. It was interesting.

Tanya had bottled it. Couldn't go through with it after all. I could smell her bullshit excuses. I was going to bring up a smart comment, but she caught me with one of those gnarly wenchy snarls that pissed off women could give, so I backed off.

“What then? If we can’t use the dog what do we use? The fat’s hot and I’m bored.”

“You’re a psycho, Brian,” she replied.

Gary said, “What about a cat? I hate cats.”

“Or mice,” I added. “We could dunk ‘em whole by the tail.”

Tanya threw up her arms in disgust. She’d had enough and said, “Whatever, you guys. Just leave me out of it.”

She collected the dog. It yelped as she scooped it up then she walked away and left us alone. I watched her butt until she disappeared. It was a really nice and firm butt. Round and smooth.

“She’s spoilt,” Gary said.

“I know, but cute."

“Yeah,” he sighed.

I went round to Gary’s side. He was half the size of me, but I know I'm big for sixteen, and useful as a forward in the school rugby team.

It’s not that clear why it happened: it just did. As the rain falls from the sky or the sun that rises , I just did it because it was a natural thing to do.

Ever smell human flesh being cooked raw in hot fat?

Smells just like chicken. Gary’s head bubbled and frothed like my old headmaster reading Shakespeare. I didn’t feel sorry for Gary. I didn’t feel guilt or compassion or anything for that matter. Just a sense of understanding; that I knew how it looked, what sound it made, what it smelled like. Pure luck helped me keep his head in the pan.

As he thrashed around, the fat spat on my hand and burnt me as well. I didn't notice any pain. I was too busy in watching him die. I thought he’d never give up writhing, so when he went limp, I was relieved.

My hand wasn't too badly damaged. Gary, on the other hand (in the other hand) was different. Ever had a corn dog with too much ketchup? Well, that was Gary’s face. His skin had melted into a waxy liquid. It looked shiny and crispy at the same time, like a used candle.

The puppy had gone, yeah, I appreciate that, but my appetite hadn’t. So, I started to eat Gary.

He tasted like chicken.