DVD Review: Cerberus (2005)

In this drivelling story of using Attila the Hun’s breastplate to discover the location of the Sword of Mars, Samantha (played by Emmanuelle Vaugier, best known for her role as Mia in Two and a Half Men) must reach it first before the evil kidnappers of her brother use it for other, more nefarious deeds, than putting it on display.

With a three headed demon dog called Cerberus guarding the sword using poorly animated monster effects, it was surprising that it could have killed anything, and was just shy of the old Sinbad the Sailor movies. Vaugier’s acting was average, but she’s very sweet on the eye and made the movie more durable.

Dubbed as a horror movie, Cerberus was far from it. There were more traits of it being an action/adventure, although the plot itself was predictable and the important information was imparted badly. Much of the plot didn’t make a lot of sense and the characters drive that vehicle poorly and were not at all believable. For example, when a henchman is attacked by two dogs, he lies on the ground squirming with a look of ‘horror’ on his face. No. Any reasonable person would’ve been fighting for his life.

Early on in the movie, a couple of thieves manage to find the sword, lifted it from its chamber, blew the dust off it, then died. The sword magically return to the chamber. Although never explained, it wasn’t as bad as our heroes being able to find the sword without the breastplate which I believe, was the first concept given to the viewer.

The premise behind the movie, that the sword of an Asian warlord is guarded from thieves by a dog in Greek mythology is strikingly dumb. With a plastic plot, wooden characters, and a play-doh monster, horror fans will be disappointed.